Sublime Wreckage by Charlene Zapata

Author:Charlene Zapata [Zapata, Charlene]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Mental Health, love, abuse, Life Choices, New adult, friendship, Tragedy
Publisher: Charlene Zapata
Published: 2014-07-07T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fifteen

I walk in the door to a very quiet house. Which isn't unusual when she is depressed. After putting my things in my room, I make her a fresh ice tea and go to check on her. She is sound asleep. I clear away the dirty dishes leaving her drink on her nightstand. I head to the kitchen to make dinner. While I'm cooking I hear her get up to use the bathroom but she doesn't come into the kitchen. That's pretty typical behavior for her. When she gets depressed the only two rooms she goes into are the bathroom and her bedroom. I don't think she would even eat if I didn't bring her food. I just don't understand it. I have looked up several disorders but I'm no psychologist so I can't be certain about what mental health disease she suffers from. I think it's possibly bi-polar disorder but she doesn't fit all the criteria. All I know is something is wrong with her. She just won't admit it to herself. I have tried to talk to her about it but that just makes her angry so I leave it alone. I can't force her to get help.

After I finish making dinner I take her plate into her room. She is sitting up in her bed watching television. I set her food down and turn to leave.

"Wait. Will you stay in here with me? Bring your dinner and eat with me?"

"Sure Mom." I grab my plate from the kitchen and head back to her room. I go around to the other side of the bed and sit down next to her. We eat in silence with only the sound of the television in the background. Just as I'm about to get up to take our dirty dishes away she puts her hand on my shoulder. It takes every ounce of energy in my body not to wince from her touch.

"Maggie, I'm sorry I lost it the other night. I didn't mean to hurt you like that. I don't know what happens in those moments. It's like I just see red. I lost control. I can't promise that it won't happen again but I will try not to let it take over. I know you don't think I feel bad but I do. I'm not the greatest mother but I do the best I can. One day you will understand the sacrifices I have made for you. Being a single mother isn't easy. So please just forgive me. I will continue to make mistakes, I know that but that's how we learn." Times like this are very rare. This is when I get a tiny indication of the woman my father must have loved. She is actually showing compassion toward her daughter. Even though she doesn't say the words "I love you" I feel like maybe she does. She must on some level. Right?

"It's okay mom. I'm fine. I know you don't mean it. Of course I forgive you.

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